How Family Businesses Can Survive the Holidays

The holidays often bring stress to family members in business together. Tom Davidow offers some simple ideas to help these unique relationships survive the holiday season.

By Tom Davidow of Thomas D. Davidow & Associates

December 22, 2005 - How would you like to have your holiday dinner with your boss? What if you’re expected to not only accept his invitation, but to be happy about it? What if the same person you had an argument with at work on Friday sits across from you at the holiday dinner table? Sound like fun? For people involved in family-run businesses, the pressures of holiday gatherings involves familial—as well as professional—relations.

Members of family businesses often find it difficult to sustain private lives. Their colleagues know them not only in the context of the workplace, but are also familiar with their entire personal history. Nevertheless, it is unlikely that they’ll express a need for privacy and commit the cultural taboo of taking a pass on Christmas dinner. The reality, of course, is that families in business together by definition care deeply about each other. How, then, do you differentiate all of the complex feelings that arise and just relax and enjoy one another during a holiday gathering? Some helpful tips:

• First, don’t talk about business. Business conversations at the holiday table are not only boring and typically risky. Rather, they exclude family members who are not members of the business.

• Remember that the holiday spirit should be for the kids. Focus on the children and don’t burden them with the tensions and stresses of the family business.

• Lower your expectations. Holiday dinners rarely have the abundant good cheer represented in movies or television. Expecting the utopian holiday scene will likely bring nothing but disappointment—and the stress that comes with it.

• Be mindful of the holidays’ spirit. Participate in the message of the day: As much as possible, let ideas like “Peace on earth and goodwill toward men” start with how you treat your family during the holiday.  Business discussions can wait until you all get back to the office.

It sounds so simple, but it isn’t. However, with a bit of careful restraint, you and your family can enjoy the season.  Don’t worry—you’ll surely return to business issues once the holidays are over.

Tom Davidow is the founder of Thomas D. Davidow & Associates, an organization that works with family-controlled businesses, companies and enterprises. He is a psychologist and a clinically-trained organizational dynamics expert who specializes in problems that occur in family-run businesses. He can be reached at tom@tdavidow.com.