This Thanksgiving, pity the poor Kutcher clan. You know, newlyweds Ashton and Demi? The duo tied the knot in the fall but failed to tell certain family members about the nuptials because some tend to tattle. Then the gossips went straight to the tabloids to do just that, calling the pair stingy, stuck-up jerks.

What a mess. It’s enough to make you almost merry at their misfortune, if you’re kin didn’t so closely resemble theirs.

Anyone with relatives knows the group that tends to gather this time of year: There’s The Gossip, who makes Liz Smith look downright shy. And there’s The Drinker, who ends up belly-up before the dessert course. You know the Hovercraft, who can’t seem to get out of your way or leave you alone. There’s Mr. Negative, Mrs. Jealous and the family Mute, who doesn’t say much but still shows up each year.

So how do you sit among the array of difficult personalities without wanting to drown yourself in the pumpkin soup?

“There are three steps to getting through,” said Tom Davidow, a psychologist, family business consultant and founder of Thomas D. Davidow & Associates in Brookline.

“First, make the commitment to go. When you do that, you decide on some level that you’re responsible for your decision and can’t blame everything on everyone. Then manage your expectations,” he said. “Step three is you can’t control your family, you can only control yourself. If you want to be loving and thoughtful and reach out, then do it. If you all of a sudden are confronted with a situation, choose to react the way that you want to be.”

Sounds easy, right? Match.com columnist Margot Carmichael Lester has an even simpler approach.

“In my family, we call it tiny talk,” she said. “It works no matter how awful or offensive the person is sitting next to you,” she said. “For instance, sitting near a braggart? When he launches into a litany of alleged accomplishments, simply wait for him to take a breath and say, ‘How nice for you.’

“When the gossiper lays the latest dish on you, just look her in the eye and say, ‘Is that so?’ And when the insulting in-law makes a snide remark, smile sweetly and say, ‘I’m so glad you think so.’ ”

The beauty of these small remarks, Lester said, is that they work in almost any situation. And even if you can’t find an exact fit, you’ll be close enough.

“But in those rare occasions when tiny talk doesn’t work, do what I do - start coughing like mad or say you’re feeling faint and excuse yourself. Works like a charm.”

Motivational humorist Judy Carter, author of “The Comedy Bible” (Fireside, $10), has her own take on the situation.

“Change your attitude,” she said. “(Like gossip). Think of it as free publicity. Loose-lips grandma is not a gossip, think of her as your own personal press agent, there to spread to the world the gospel according to you. You tell her everything you want everyone to believe.‘No Grandma, I’m not pregnant, this dress is supposed to make you look like you have a belly. It’s the latest fashion!’ ”